Full Circle

This is probably the hardest blog I have had to wright since I started this. The title should tell you where I am going here.

It will be brief and I don't anticipate to many A.D.D. moments. Sorry to disappoint ya.

This past 2 weeks have taken me and my family on an emotional roller coaster the likes of which I would hoped never happen. The joys and sorrows of everyday life can be the worst thing to deal with.

A few weeks back, after having a nice dinner with the wife; tragedy struck. Our life path crossed with that of an unaware and unfortunate dog. Standing in the middle of my lane at 55 (ish) miles per hour and traffic heading straight at me from the other direction is not going to work to the dogs benefit here, sorry. Contact. I can tell you that just as fast as I noticed this, it was over. The suffering did not last, or even exist other than maybe a slight raise in its heartbeat. I felt absolutely terrible. I had just killed someones pet. My hands shook, my stomach was doing flips and suddenly it got really warm in clothes. Feelings that I hoped would pass and never return.

The joys. Last weekend, we had our family reunion in town. A festive and joyous occasion for everyone; i hope. I think deep down, we all knew it was possibly one of the greatest chances to get everyone together again. Times are getting the best of some of us and some of us couldn't make it. Which brings me to my Aunt Shirley. Great little woman, been through a lot.

Well, this was Saturday. In two days it was scheduled that Shirley have open heart surgery and a valve replacement. Now coming from a family with this issue in the past, concerns are always a bit elevated. I unfortunately could not make the trip, so, my father was going solo on this one to sit and await word to spread to the rest of us. Monday morning came and went. No word. So, early afternoon I made the call; not knowing what I would hear on the other side. My father relieved me by giving me news of a very successful surgery. A warm smile came across my face and I did everything I could to contain my joy to those around me at the time (for fear of looking nuts). To this moment, she is still in recovery but making the needed steps to getting back to normal.

Last leg, hang with me here. Tuesday, that being yesterday, a sad development arose again. We noticed that Midnight (our family stray taken in by my wife 2 years ago); who had been of an ill state for a month or so now, had gotten worse. Upon picking her up, we noticed that her belly was Jaundice and yellow colored. Something was really wrong here. Her appetite had gone down slightly as of late but we didn't expect this. My wife and I both knew deep down, this was the end of our kitty kitty. With close comfort and a watchful eye overnight, she had made it through the night time hours. We had previously (ironically) made an appointment to have her checked out one more time. That day was today. So, fearing the worst, I took one last mental picture of her perched on the kid's nightstand. Gave a kiss to her head, said my last goodbyes and went to work. Then the phone rang shortly after 9, "do you want to see her before i have her buried?" - a tearful and heartbroken wife said on the other line. I paused and said, no thanks - I have a great picture I am going to remember her by.

The point here is don't ever take any day for granted. Enjoy the good with the bad, make yourself stronger knowing that this roller coaster we call life; just happens.

R.I.P. - Midnight (kitty kitty), The family pet that some family let go of and we gave 2 great years to.
R.I.P. - The dog that was taken way to soon a few weeks ago. I am sure you are missed and I know how your family must feel. Ironic again huh.

And To my Aunt - Stay strong, your gonna get through this - you have all our prayers and thoughts........

Cha Cha Cha Changes.....?

Not sure where this needs to start. Most of you who know me know how hard this is going to be. Got a big pill to swallow so hold up here, it's gonna start off slow.

Situations, times, and events. These things all seem to be needed to make us who we are and why we do what we do. Good, bad or indifferent things must happen. The reasons may be unknown, they may have a purpose or intent, but i venture to say most of us don't have a clue.

6 months. Seems like a long time right. To some it can be. To others it can be just repetition, perpetual motion of sorts I guess you could say. Well, for me, i tend to waiver on the brink of both sides of this denomination.

The number 6 is big here for a few reasons. It is the amount of time it can take to produce a great lager. It is more time than we typically get for nice weather. It's also about the amount of time it takes to completely turn a person or relationship.

Now, I can tell you of the latter by means of personal experience. Allow me to explain. 6 months ago, i had a conversation that i really didn't want to have. In fact, i did what I could at the time to stop it; didn't work, now here i am writing about it. I didn't particularly care for this conversation nor did i care at the time for what happened afterwards. But, with time, i learned to understand that with a simple conversation your life, surroundings, events, and future can change. Without choice.

The things in our lives that make us are our events, actions, surroundings and perspectives. Remember that, it's a pretty big lesson; the sooner you learn it, the better everyone around you will be (yourself included). At this time I would just like to add that if you ever get the chance, apologize, take the time to say your sorry. You never know when it will be too late. Small word, seems about as useful these days as "please" and "thank you". Where did our values of simplicity and kindness go?

A.D.D. moment here - Today i had the opportunity to express what I just said. I was returning from a walk across the parking lot at work today. Heard a Cardinal (My mothers favorite bird so I know the sound automatically) and thus started looking into the tree across from me to find it. At this time so was a short elderly lady who was also going into the building. We both stopped in our tracks and looked deep into the maple tree to find this bird. "I found it" i exclaimed to her. She walked (slowly) to me. I pointed - there it is. Just as i did, away it flew. Still making that distinct sound. It never did leave the tree, but rather chose to play hide and seek. The bird did this three times to us. Alas, she saw it, paused in awe, and started talking to me about how she use to have Cocteau birds. We walked towards the building, slowly, and talked the whole time like we had been friends for years. I held the door open for her, she said thank you very much. I helped her find where she was going for an appointment. I think I may have made her afternoon. I know she helped me have a better one. Thank you.

Anyway, i guess you could say that the things of our past really do dictate our futures. Even if we don't know it or realize it at the time. Things we say, actions we take, even the silence we have the right to use can all play a vital roll.

The point I am trying to make here is sorry says a lot. But timing is everything. It's kind of like when your buddy is having a party and he forgets to invite you but mentions it over and over. Still no invite. You certainly aren't going to invite yourself or ask for an invitation. Timing is everything, like when your buddy tells you a joke. You have that split second to have the perfect response, comeback or just right laugh. With that said, the previous mentioned 6 months have been about timing. Sitting. Waiting. Wondering. Then eventually that moment passes, the timing is lost. You wonder why the invite never came, why you didn't just laugh when the joke was first told. Why? Because - The events, actions and surroundings of our daily lives make us who we are.

Sorry. Don't be so afraid to use it; it may be just what someone needs to hear even if you can't understand. It may not be the event, surrounding or situation you were meant to understand. But your time will come, then you will realize just what this was all about.

I've done my part.......